Where is the best place to meet if you want to establish and enhance relationships?  Your office? Theirs?

Neither.

In many case the best place to meet is at a restaurant.  There are two primary reason: 1) It’s neutral; 2) People enjoy eating; accordingly they will subconsciously associate that pleasant experience with you.

There is plenty of evidence to suggest that dining out makes sense in building your business relationships.  Just take a look at how much the pharmaceutical sales reps spend on taking their clients to lunch and dinner.

Keith Ferrazzi in his insightful book Never Eat Alone suggests that adding food to the mix when it comes to doing business helps facilitate relationship building.  Dr. Kevin Hogan has studied this topic in detail and shares his findings in and audio interview with respect to what type of restaurant is optimal, selecting the right table, and positioning.

Persuasion goes beyond your people skills; environment is important as well.  Next time you plan that meeting with a prospect or a client, be sure to keep these points in mind.  They will serve you well.

Oh, all I have to do to excel at public speaking is just be myself?  Wonderful, now I know the secret.  Certain speaking coaches warn against trying to use gestures and practicing movements.  Their assertion is that the presenter could look fake, forced, robotic, plastic, and so on.  They extol the virtue of simply being yourself before the audience.  In theory they have a point.  Rehearsing every gesture could make the presenter look very odd indeed.  In reality, however, the overwhelming majority of presenters appear petrified (in the fossil sense of the word).  Most remain standing in one place and avoid any type of gestures.  Even somewhat forced movement is better than no movement.

Also, a small yet meaningful percentage of people are rude, asocial, short-tempered, obnoxious or simply flat.  I would not encourage a person like this to just be himself before an audience.

I think better advice is don’t try to imitate someone else’s presentational style when that person is very unlike you.  For example, if you are not a particularly funny person, trying to deliver your presentation like your favorite comedian would likely result in disaster.  You may admire the way your coworker delivers her presentation with resounding authority, but you may be of a softer, more diplomatic nature.

The best advice may be: just be a super version of yourself.  That is to say, on a great day, at your best moment with respect to mood, character, humor, confidence, affinity to the audience, what would you look like?  If you absolutely loved your topic, you felt a great connection with the audience, you were well prepared and you were comfortable, how would that look?

Not all variables are in our control, but we can certainly be well prepared by rehearsing. Perhaps not every move and gesture, but SOME movement and gestures, to jump start us into using our bodies, posture and hands to communicate more naturally.  Contrary to other experts’ warnings, the more we rehearse, the more comfortable we feel.  Knowing we have a solid structure enables us to take chances in the “here and now” and improvise because we know we have a safety net.

Some of my readers may know that I am also a professional close-up magician.  One of the secrets of magic is to know exactly what you are going to say, when you are going to say it and how you will deliver it.  Only by having the details rehearsed can you free up your brain to think and react to a spectator’s extemporaneous comment.  The safety net allows you to be the super version of yourself.

As odd as it sounds, to “just be yourself” takes a great deal of thought, practice and rehearsal.  The work, however will pay rich dividends.

Please leave a comment on your thoughts.  Thanks.

Having cold called at the top as well as far from the top, I noticed something curious. Irrespective of whether the prospect was interested, those at that top of the organization did something with far more frequency than those many levels down:  They used my name.

Interesting.  As prospects, these executives were in no way attempting to make a positive impression.  In certain cases, they were trying to terminate the call; yet with great frequency they would capture my name right from my introduction, retain it and use it.

When talking with gate keepers and managers at “lower” levels of the organization, I noticed that use of my name was far more infrequent.  Counterintuitively, I found that in cases where there was no interest, the executives were equally short, but far more courteous than their subordinates.  In a certain way, calling at the top can not only be a more fruitful experience but also a more pleasant one.

To be honest, I’m not sure if the case is that many executives are groomed and trained in the fundamentals of business success or that they simply tend to have stronger interpersonal skills.  In any case, you’ve heard it before and here it is again: executives and leaders tend to remember and use names more frequently in their conversations.

Many of us get tripped up on names when we are networking or socializing.  It does require decision and effort.  Right before every introduction, we need to make a conscious decision that we will listen for the name and use it. It takes effort to fulfill this commitment because it’s clearly easier not to be concerned with the detail while we focus on what we are going to say next.  The long-term payoff is that eventually it will become second nature, just as it is for many of those executives we cold call at the top.

If you have methods for remembering names, please share for our readers’ benefit. Thank you.

For the most part, you know what you need to accomplish in order to achieve your goals.  Procrastination is a huge inhibitor of success, especially when the tasks that need to be accomplished are difficult or make you uncomfortable.

Procrastination’s best friend is distraction, which takes many forms.  Two of the most common forms of distraction are the telephone and email.  We end up servants to these vital tools instead of masters.  We can be in the middle of a creative thought, or about to pick up the phone to make a cold call, yet we stop to check the new email that just came in.  This happens all day, and our progress on the tasks that really matter becomes fragmented and limited.

Why do we subordinate the vital activities to the trivial?  It’s easier, more comfortable and we have a reasonable “excuse”: the phone rang or a new email arrived - and it COULD be important.

Depending on you profession and the urgency of the service you deliver, it really could be urgent.  Having an emergency line for doctors, plumbers, EMTs and the like makes sense.  But for most of us, the majority of cases is that it is less important that the vital task we are supposed to be accomplishing.

If you want results, try this:

Set one or two blocks of time each day where you shut your phones, and quit out of email.  You can check them right before and right after your block of time.  Can you imagine the focus and level of follow through you will have during that time?  What will it mean to you and your business?  Try it, and let us know.

There you have it - one less speedbump on your road to success.

Helping Laura Briere, president of Vision Advertising and World Green Business Association promote her company at the Rt 2 Business Expo, I was fascinated by how many exhibitors were making the master blunder of exhibiting: sitting down while their prospects walked right by them.

It boggles my mind as to why companies spend money on a booth, graphics, space and opportunity cost only to watch as visitors stroll by their exhibits with barely a glance in their direction.  My theory is that these exhibitors believe that they are “getting their brand exposure” and that is return enough.

You do not need to be a corporate magician to to avoid this exhibiting blunder.  With no tricks or gimmicks, Amy Mosher, Director of Programs at the World Green Business Association, did something the majority of the exhibitors failed to do: she stood at the front of her booth, had open body language (smiling and no folded arms) and greeted visitors with a hello and a handshake.  After making a connection she sparked conversation by asking a question.

Here is the result: Amy was engaged in conversation about 85% of the time.  She qualified and collected contacts throughout the day.  For her, the event flew by as she made connection after connection.  All it took was a stroll down the aisle to see that she was the exception.  Most “exhibitors” were sitting behind a table of brochures and giveaways.  What they really were giving away wasn’t pens with logos, but opportunity to do business with every passing prospect that left the hall learning nothing about their company.

Avoiding this exhibiting blunder is almost cured by simply being aware of it.  If you know any exhibitors, please forward this link.  Chances are they will benefit.

“Our flat-screen TV booth prize was a huge success”.

“Man, we raffled off Red Sox tickets and a flat-screen at our booth - what a disaster”.

Quotes from two of my trade show clients who told me what they had done in the past to generate exhibit traffic.  Why the difference?  Show type and primary objective.

The first case was a success for two reasons.  It was an industry-specific show where the vast majority of visitors comprised the exhibitor’s target market.  An example of this type of show is a dental conference, in which almost every attendee has an interest in dentistry.  The second reason for success was that the company was aiming to build brand recognition.  The flat-screen TV pulled in the masses, who then saw the exhibitor’s logo, heard the company’s tag line and signed up for the prize.  These visitors then received follow-up underscoring the company’s message and showcasing the logo.

In the second case, the flat-screen and sports tickets were a wasted investment.  It was a general show. For example, a home show attracts some visitors looking for candy and others looking for a kitchen remodeler.  In addition, the exhibitor was looking to make sales from prospects interested in his product. He later lamented that he had a whole bunch of leads for a television; painfully few were interested in his product.  This exhibitor would have faired far better if he offered a high-value giveaway from his own product line.  In this case, it would have selectively attracted prospects.

It’s interesting that broad-appeal products work best in focused trade shows and specific-appeal products are more effective in broader shows.

It is my experience that, in general, larger companies are less concerned with generating hard-sales from a show as compared to medium and smaller companies.  This is partly because larger companies see branding as facilitating sales down the line.  Smaller companies do not have this luxury.

The trick is to consider the show type and objective before launching into your giveaway strategy.  If you are promoting copier services at a business expo - think twice about giving away David Copperfield tickets, unless you want to see your profits vanish.  A nifty prize might be $400 worth of toner for the winner’s copy machines.  You’ll probably leave the show with significantly less leads than the exhibitor across from you who pulled in the masses with fancy electronics.  That’s good, because your sales staff will be calling on a handful of qualified leads, while the other guy’s sale staff will quickly grow discouraged from following up on a mountain of junk.

We invite you to share your experiences with prizes and giveaways right here.

You’ve probably pulled up to a tollbooth and admired the way the attendant smiled and said thank you (maybe not quite as much in Massachusetts). Then, at the next toll the attendant looks like he hates you. In the same day we can meet miserable downers and people that inspire us. Why is there such a difference?

In most cases, the people achieving their goals and dreams are positive, and the “victims” who have lost their vision are negative. Do you think that there is some correlation here to IQ, work ethic or tenacity? Perhaps. But have you considered that there may be a common denominator?

That common denominator is each person’s thinking. We are so focused on changing our results that we sometimes forget that our results are simply a manifestation of our behaviors. Now think about your behaviors: they are formed by your thinking.

So here you have the answer: change your thinking to change your behavior to change your results. Controlling for the “just a bad day” case, you would probably be somewhat confident that if we interviewed the friendly person at the first toll, his thinking would be quite different from the attendant at the second stop.

Keeping your eye on the prize is great, but if you are not paying attention to your thinking, you may end up indefinitely admiring your prize from afar instead of achieving it.

To come: how to improve your thinking process.

This week I spoke to a successful speaker who said she generates all of her paid opportunities via free speaking engagements. She is busy, and she found a way that works for her. We talked about cold calling, and she said she tried it and hates it. Hate? That’s a strong word to describe a simple activity of picking up the phone and making connections. The reason is that cold calling is an emotional and psychological endeavor as much as it is a tactical one. I often remind people that cold calling and what you are currently doing need not be mutually exclusive. In fact, the beauty of cold calling on the phone is that it does not take a great deal of time compared to other activities such as personal networking. It’s not too difficult to fit in a half-hour each day to make your calls.

Our cold calling expert, Carl Harvey, gives us some great insight regarding the psychology of cold calling. Enjoy!

The Quiet Mind is the psychological state of the salesperson, who, in the moment, when on the phone with or in front of a prospect, doesn’t care whether she secures the appointment or wins the sale. And because she doesn’t care, she has no expectations, no self-doubt, no need for approval and no fear of failure, and free of those anchors can now act as her best self and in her best interest.

What stops most salespeople from reaching that state, and thus executing effective selling technique, are their negative self-talk: “I can’t call at the top”; “I might be interrupting someone.” “I can’t ask tough questions.” To the extent that our negative self-talk predominates our thinking, either consciously or subconsciously, it will be two against one, our negative self-talk and our prospect’s skepticism against us. And in sales, like sports, two to one usually means we lose. The corrective to negative self-talk is Mind Management: the practice of identifying and challenging our negative self-talk and replacing it with more positive, truthful assessments. For example, instead of viewing cold calling as an occasion of fear and dread, replace that negative thought with a more positive and truthful assessment, such as “cold calling is exciting because I’m in control, opportunity is uncovered and money is to be made.” These statements are all true and positive and more accurately reflect the opportunities offered by picking up that phone or knocking on a door. To the extent that we can quiet our mind, we will be able to act more consistently and effectively. As we do, our success and self-esteem will grow.

At a dinner event, I’m watching interaction take place at a table directly across from me.  Three men and two women are talking about business and their common friends.  I notice one of the men, Bob, is a good storyteller.  He captures everyone’s interest and keeps it with a very amusing story.  Everyone laughs at the finale; then one of the women brings up her daughter who is applying to Brown University.  Bob immediately chimes in, “Great institution, you guys remember Jane? Her son got a full ride.  Jack, what was her son’s name?”  Bob continues with an admittedly interesting story about Jane’s son.  The woman who initiated the conversation never brings up her daughter again.  This pattern type continues for a while until Bob excuses himself.  Then, I watch for reaction.  One woman mouths to the group “I’m sorry”.  I’m not sure what the dynamics were there, but I am confident that nobody was happy with Bob’s monopolizing.

Can you relate to this?  Have you spent time with “Bob” before?  Chances are that Bob would be embarrassed if he understood the reaction he created.  He appeared to be an affable and very intelligent person.  If 100 people are reading this blog, about 20 of you are unknowingly the “Bob” in your group. 

The challenge:  Not even your best friend is going to tell you that you monopolize.

The solution:  If nobody will tell you, how can you know?

1)    From this point on, whenever you have a conversation, have an internal awareness of whether you are sharing airtime.

2)    After a conversation, make a mental list of what you’ve learned about the other people and what they have learned about you.  Is there balance?

3)    The dinner test:  If Bob had only looked at his plate he would have noticed his was full and the others were empty.  This is a great tip whenever dining with others.  Look at the dishes to find the monopolizers.  You may be surprised to find it is you.

If you are a monopolizer then you are losing your persuasive edge.  The good news is that you are probably a great storyteller and very sociable.  Just being aware that you are a monopolizer can be a cure for the problem.  Also, you might ask your good friends to let you know when you are dominating the conversation.  With a bit of practice you will be well on your way to sharing airtime and being interesting by being interested.

If you are in the company of a monopolizer, click into your segue mode.  Take responsibility for channeling the conversation away from the monopolizer and towards others.  It is very easy to do this in a group because you are not seeking airtime for yourself, you are simply asking someone else in the group a question.  In my anecdote above, the woman who mouthed “I’m sorry” to the group could have simply redirected the conversation to the other woman whose daughter was looking into Brown.  “Tell us more about why your daughter is choosing Brown.” Everyone at the table would have appreciated this redirection, and they would have appreciated her even more for doing it. She would have sharpened her persuasive edge in this case.

Work Force Training Fund: Finding the fat in lean times

We are not in a recession – technically.  However, most businesses are feeling the pinch of a slower economy and a weakening consumer confidence index. 

In leaner times, enhancing your worker productivity may not merely be a question of competitive advantage but also a requisite to your company’s survival.  Irrespective of your industry, to increase the bottom line, you must enhance the performance of your people, which requires continual professional development.

Ironically, in tough fiscal times, worker training and development is often among the first items to be nixed from the budget.  This is a short-term fix that leads to negative long-term repercussions. It hurts the morale of your workforce, and it deprives workers of the skills, strategies and motivation to keep your business thriving.

In theory, most business owners and executive would agree.  The reality is that when facing the challenges of weaker economy, cuts must be made to meet the budget.

There is an answer: Work Force Training Fund.  According to Frank Damelio, President of Target Intellect, a training company that focuses on sales, persuasion, and presentational skills, “It’s easy to find the fat in lean times.  It is shocking how many small and medium-sized companies haven’t heard of the Massachusetts Workforce Training Fund”.  The fund is essentially a pool of money that is granted to companies to fund most types of professional development training.  The grants typically range from $2,000 to $250,000. The money comes from companies that pay into Massachusetts Unemployment Insurance.  Grants are competitive, but reasonably attainable.

“Most companies have never heard of this resource or are simply too daunted to apply.”  Target Intellect works with its non-profit grant writing team that writes and submits the grants for his clients.  “It’s a free service, whether or not they get accepted; so it makes it easy for them.  Owners are amazed when they learn about this resource to help them pay for the training they need, and they are relieved when then know our grant writers will do most of the work and hand-holding for them.”

Fat in lean times is certainly a savory prospect in this sluggish economy.  Mangers and business owners who would like to take advantage of the Workforce Training Fund program can contact your free tour guide, Frank Damelio at 508 949 6688. fdamelio@targetintellect.com